,i am looking for trouble. at least that’s how i feel. situations are hard to manage, especially when there are other factors besides your self to consider. do i really want to hurt the people i love? or is blissful ignorance okay if it saves people pain and disappointment, right now im the only one suffering and that seems fair.
i get the simple rules of life, don’t hurt people do to others as you would want done to you. but its not like im actually hurting any one, the sticky questions how would i feel if i really did. i spend most of time questioning the person i am, not because i feel like a bad person but because the rest of the world seems to have their morals in order. (obviously some of them don’t). but here i am spending my day to day life in a manner that others would consider immoral, and i feel no guilt, i don’t even feel guilt due to my lack of guilt. am i a bad person ?
here is a guilty question for you..
you love each other, you are both unconditionally happy, but you have a secret one that would make this person hate you, make then hurt and cry and one that would break them, would you tell them to clear your own self conscious?
Its impossible to plan ahead without mapping out every possible thing that could go wrong without a plan and an idea, a desire. i thought i had achieved this, but yet here its still catch up to me .Here is the million dollar question, if i had know that the things i said and did would leave me surrounded with everything and everyone i want, but feeling empty, would i do it any different? am i even really empty or am i just craving more than i even deserve (i don’t deserve any of it ) more than i even want. i’m not the worst person in the world, but i’m far from deserving.
we all have secrets.
im sure you have told a lie.
but how far would you go to hide something ? what if the truth meant you would lose everything, what if you didn’t care.
deep down most of us are just well hidden sociopaths with agendas and secrets that are hidden under our well preserved lives. and that’s okay, because neither you or i have the right to judge. im just here to tell you things that have been carefully hidden for such a long time, that now its boring. and i need excitement.
don’t we all need a little push into the excitement?
Well here i am, ready to share deep thoughts, personal secrets and opinions with the public. why ? because here we all are, doing jobs that we never wanted to do, being people we never thought we would be. here we are being adults (most of us) and yet it was only maybe ten years ago all i could think about was growing up.
Its not all down hill, being an adult has its perks, i assume you don’t need a list. Now that i am hear its easy to see the things i had previously taken for granted and I’m not talking about having someone else to clean up after me, i mean the little things in life that as a young child and even an adolescent, go blissfully noticed, the beautiful view, a family recipe handed down for generations, the capture of a memory forever held in a picture, the grounding you got for telling a fib.
this time between being who i am now and the child i used to be, like everyone else, of course it shaped the person i am today, the little mistakes, the big mistakes, and of course those decisions and secrets that you are supposed to keep forever… or maybe all of it will crumble at your feet. its hard to believe a few little words could change everything about the way i am today.